As I stayed longer and longer in the Church, in many ways, I have changed and become a better person. But unfortunately there is one thing about me that never changed. It just became, more subtle, less shown outwardly, but within me it lives on.
I talked about 4 things the other time. Today, I am going to talk about one of them specifically. No im not intending to do a 'series' or something lol its just something thats really on my heart.
Its the first one. Its called pride. Its contained in the 6th century list that everyone knows about, the 'seven deadly sins '. And its not there without reason.
People thing that theres nothing wrong with being proud of yourself or others and in that I agree. For example, I feel that there is perfectly nothing wrong with a father being proud of his son doing well in something and in a way, boasts to his friends like 'hey my son is *blah blah blah*'.
But for me, I personally experience it in my life and I know why pride is an ugly thing. There are different levels of pride and the one above is just an example of a 'healthier' form of pride. But there are many dark areas in pride.
Bear with me as I talk abit, the following paragraph may sound abit like boasting but I hope to bring across a point here.
The longer I stayed in the Church, the more I started to feel good about myself. You see, I dont swear like others, im not a gangster or perhaps what we call 'nsk'. I dont disrespect teachers (or at least not that much). I read my bible daily, I pray daily, yea all that stuff. I have more knowledge about biblical stuff than even some Christians in leadership positions and would consider to know alot more facts that the average Christian in AC. For one, I can name around 60% of the names of God (including the Jehovah-something ones), give you their meaning, origin and application. In terms of apologetics, I can give quite abit of scientific and archeological evidences as well. In short, sometimes I feel that I know more than others, that I am 'better'.
Usually I tell myself I should not compare myself in terms of spiritual maturity to the average Christian but should strive to compare myself with the best of the best to achieve greater heights. This sounds honourable at first perhaps, but underlying it is a sense of superiority, that I am above the average man.
And that my friend, is pride.
Over the past few weeks and months (fine not that many months maybe 2 at most lol), God has really been teaching me alot of things slowly and revealing to me aspects in my life that I really need to change to be a better Christian or for that matter, a better person.
If you asked me then what I think I ought to do, I would probably say I should read more expository stuff and understand the Bible better, read more books about apologetics and whatever.
But God taught me many things over this period of time, and when I add them all up together, I get this picture of something that God is saying to me, and its quite, shocking.
It says, 'you need to learn the basics'.
Perhaps I never fully grasped it and I just went on ahead. Or perhaps I learnt it but I forgot it. I have so much information in me, but im not living it out enough. Somewhere along the way in my journey of faith, I built up so much, but my foundation was weak, and without my foundations strong, all crumbles and I am but nothing. Nothing.
Perhaps I could answer some questions you have regarding my faith. But I found out that there was one question that I couldn't really answer properly. And today, I want this to be a question that all of you will ask yourselves.
Right here and right now, if I were to hear the voice of God, will I hear 'Well done, my good and faithful servant'?
I look at myself. Am I living a life that really glorifies God? Am I being a light of the world?
Because you see, its pointless if you're know the bible from cover to cover and can recite the entire thing backwards but you dont live it out.
Now wait hold on hold on. But I dont swear, I dont disrespect, I do all those good stuff. So whats the issue here?
Well, im not shining. Right, I dont swear, but neither do quite a number of people. Whats so special about me? Im just, an average boring person. How is my life glorifying God? What impact am I making in the lives of others? How am I changing eternal destinies? Am I leaving a mark on this world or will I be but a forgotten memory? You know, that religious dude who keeps babbling about some complicated concepts but never really did anything useful.
Pride has the ability to blind you. That in thinking of yourself higher than others, you become nothing. And I had been blinded. Its something I always have been in my life. I always dreamt of being something greater. Nothing wrong with that, but not if you look down on others, even worse when you arent much better in the first place.
So heres a lesson I learnt. The extras help, but they arent that important. Always basics first. And humility is one of them.
Thank God that when we slip off, he calls us back to Him. No matter where we are, when we reach out to Him, he takes hold of us and leads us back into the path of righteousness.
See the video up there at the start of this post? I watched it many times already, posted it before, and I think it really paints a wonderful picture of God's love for us.
The video shows some obvious problems that may be in us, but lets not forget the more subtle ones that undermine us in our lives, there are many of them, and pride is one of them.
I think today's thought of the day in school is very appropriate. I heard the pencil story many times before but yea.
If I were a pencil (lol I poke you), how would the life story I am writing be like?
Consider that thought carefully, for me, I know im not immediately going to be humble and all, it takes practice, it takes effort, it takes God's power slowly changing me. But I want to be able to look forward. To be changed from the inside out slowly but surely, perhaps in ways that even I will not notice until maybe one year from now, I look back and say 'wow, God is good'.
Till then. I think doing this is good. Writing these posts that really reveal me for who I am. If I try to hide the flaws in my life, it wouldnt help. Plus, if the issue is pride, then I suppose putting yourself down in that sense is rather humbling dont you think. So here, to everyone. Im a proud person, but God is my helper. And let me cling on to a life where if I were to boast, I would boast in my weaknesses, that God may be exalted high.
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On a side note, im addicted to the song Remedy by Little Boots now, the Wideboys Stadium Radio Edit. But you reading this, please dont try to listen to it. Sure its nice but IT GETS STUCK IN YOUR HEAD!! Not worth =D. Im looping it over and over again now lol more than 10 times le =/.
No more poison killing my emotion
I will not be frozen
Dancing is my remedy remedy oh
Stop stop praying cos I'm not not playing
I'm not frozen
Dancing is my remedy remedy oh
Move, while you're watching me, dance with the enemy
I've got a remedy oh uh oh uh oh
Move, while you're watching me, dance with the enemy
Here is my remedy oh uh oh uh oh
Oh no sorry ignore that =p. This was a rather random switch in mood wasn't it haha.