For those who still have no idea, I have decided to join BB Primers.Yea I know, former NP joining BB makes me look like a traitor but I have my reasons (and have done the necessary diplomacy).
And perhaps the most important reason for me joining the Primers would actually be that I hope to be able to grow deeper in my walk with God.
So what better way than to join the Christian Education committee?
But honestly, I had my doubts. From the beginning I knew I wanted to be part of this but 'not too much'. So when I heard about secondary committees I thought that would be the solution. I would take primary in something else and then secondary in CE.
Because in many ways, I felt that if I were to take up a role in the primary committee, that means I would probably have to take on leadership roles, and I felt inadequate for it.
Till this day im still not completely confident of leading people in prayers and stuff like that, much less potentially a huge chunk of it. After all, Eugene wants me to 'tank' for him if hes not there (which I bet would be quite alot) and if hes the chair, then thats quite alot of responsibility.
But somehow, the other committees just didnt seem to appeal to me while CE continues to draw me. I would love to be part of CE except for the fear that I might not live up to expectations.
To be a leader requires alot, and in many ways, I am still not qualified. There are many 'traits' of a leader that I feel that I still have problems living them out in my life. Also, how can I lead others if I myself am not that good?
But thinking about it as well as upon consultation, I feel that this is something I want to do.
I may not be perfect, but no one is. And well I may not be as ready as I perhaps feel I need to be, but the truth is, if I keep waiting till I am ready, then I might never be.
Perhaps, the first step to being able to become the person I want to be is really just moving forward and seizing this opportunity. Its a chance for growth and though I may start off not too well, but I believe that over time its something I will learn.
And even from there, this knowledge and skills that I will acquire from the Primers can be used in the future in DI.
So im gonna take up this challenge. I believe that it would be very good for my spiritual growth and it would teach me many things that I cant learn normally.
And as Eugene told me, 'trust yourself trust God'. Well more of the latter would be applicable here.
I believe.