I have this tendency to view the world around me and all that happens in terms of ideas and concepts.
Sometimes, I dont even see individuals. I just see statistics, I just see human behavior, as if humans were animals in an experiment that im researching upon. When someone does something, I attach a label unto them or the thing that they did, using psychology and all.
And problems arise from that.
There is the tendency for me to take others as 'natural surroundings' rather than as people just like me. As a result, sometimes I lack the human touch. And one major issue would be criticism.
Because people stop becoming people. They start to become like, a machine, a flawed machine, as we all are, and I would poke at it and say this machine is bad, it doesnt do this, it doesnt do that. Grace and compassion just get removed when people become objects to be studied, objects that I declare in my mind 'unfit'.
Of course, I dont do that with myself. Sure I criticize myself but I also tell myself 'see, I know my flaws I make mistakes but I recognise them, I know what im doing'. And I dont continually blast myself because I know that I understood what I said. But I do that to others sometimes.
Grace. So hard to grasp. But its exactly what this world lacks isnt it?
People dont need another person telling them they screwed up. People dont need another person telling them all their faults. The world does enough to them. And certainly in this aspect, im still very much of the world.
Its funny, how I can be so critical around some people and so nice around others. I realise a tendency for me to be especially critical to those that im closer to. Somehow, there seems to be this thing in my mind that judges those around me.
Perhaps im a rare specimen, but I find it easier to show grace to my enemy then to my neighbor. Perhaps its how in my mind the 'enemies' arent really that much part of my life and they belong to the 'need grace' category, but those very much important in my life I feel this need for them to be special. As if those who associate with me need to be of a higher standard, a higher level, as if they need to be perfect.
But thanks be to God, who will transform us more and more into his likeness.
Empathy. When relating to others, I almost always use my mind. Its not that I dont have the EQ actually, I know what to do. Its just these things to do are but meaningless concepts sometimes.
I need to start using my heart.
We are only human. We can relate perhaps to science and the world around us by ideas, but not people. We relate to people by feelings, by the human touch.
Perhaps this is why im horrendous at communication as well. I read up, I have the information swimming in my head which I can recite to you, but I dont apply it. I wouldnt say I cant apply it though it seems like that sometimes, but I realise its a psychological barrier that I must overcome. That, and practice.
My emotions scare me sometimes, because they are pretty unpredictable. Like everyone else's is. I dont like unpredictability. I tend to plan things out and all. But thats not life.
Grace.
Compassion.
Love.
Thats why we live.