"God dispenses gifts, not wages. None of us gets paid according to merit, for none of us comes close to satisfying God's requirements for a perfect life. If paid on the basis of fairness, we would all end up in hell... In the bottom line realm of ungrace, some workers deserve more than others; in the realm of grace the word 'deserve' does not even apply."
- Philip Yancey
I have no clue how it happened. It just did.
I was just reading another chapter of this book. Its an excellent book I must say, though im not even one third through it I think.
Today's reading just registered something in me. Somehow. But it wasnt like, I read it and I was so moved or something.
It was, afterwards, during a time of prayer, when recounting these things, that it just came. And I didnt even intend to start of the time of prayer like that.
The way it is. Not like a loud powerful shaking filled with the high experience and drums smashing in the background.
It was, the still small voice.
I would not go much into detail of what I have learnt, because I dont think I can ever express it.
Parable of the prodigal son, parable of the workers in the vineyard, parable of the unforgiving servant. So often we hear it, so little we really understand of it.
Grace and forgiveness. So often we hear it, so often we say that we cant really imagine it. But today I realised just how beyond our imagination it is.
Many of us, I suppose we think, we are perhaps 50%, perhaps 70% a good man. And we understand that God is holy, perfect, and so since we dont meet 100% we need God's grace.
Thats what we think of grace.
But, perhaps, we arent even 1%.
But you see, my words wont make you understand. You have to really, be convicted of it yourself.
Forgiveness. I think we try to apply it in our lives sometimes in our quest to become better people. And we do our best, to not hate others, to forgive those who have wronged us and ask for our forgiveness.
But the picture, of grace, of forgiveness, talks about forgiving those who did not even ask for our forgiveness, it talks about, forgiving those who continue, to spit in our faces.
Certainty, not the best way to live isnt it.
We sing, 'I'll never know, how much it cost, to see my sin, upon that cross', but somehow we always get the idea that though we never know, the 'amazing grace' doesnt leave us in awe beyond our compulsory need to think that we are in awe.
But imagine, a man whom you love, tearing your family apart, putting you down, making you a public disgrace, and finally torturing you to your death. And you tell that man, 'I forgive you' at the same moment he spits in your face and laughs mockingly at you. And you mean it with your heart.
Its, impossible.
But, that is how it is like between us and God.
Even after we affirm this, everyday of our lives, we think we are better than we are in the past.
But how much better. We are still constantly spitting at God's face despite all our worship. And even as we acknowledge that we are doing it, and we try not to, we still do it, so much, so much.
Today, I come to realise that grace, and forgiveness, is scary.
Its, ridiculous, it is just, so, ridiculous.
And that is precisely why its so amazing.
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Amazing Grace,
How sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost,
But now, am found,
Was blind, but now I see.