I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
Psalms 121:1-2
---
Ahh. I slept 3 hours today when I came back, had dinner, saw SNSD on tv and all. Now im not even starting work yet. Time wasted?
Maybe not.
Just happen to come across Jo's facebook note earlier. Edited.
I was talking to Rei today and it struck me how used we are to the same old routine of school. We've been at this for what, a decade now? In a way I don't want it to end. This orgy of deadlines, the slugging through school, feels almost familiar now. I don't enjoy it sure, but it's so much a part of our lives now that we just accept it. What happens when we finish? Army? University? Work? We move from one routine to another throughout our lives it's almost scary. I mean, what is the point? We mug our asses off to get good grades later. We shoulder a million responsibilities now to get a good CV later. We get good grades and a good CV now so we can go into a good university later. And the same cycle just goes on. We keep working towards this distant goal of a better life and for what? Most of us die before we even reach it.
Its something that I understand, but somehow I still keep doing in my life. I seem to have this compulsion within me that I want to do well, I want to succeed, and sure its good and all.
But at what expense?
Truth be told, I think if I dont study at all from now till the exams, I'll still promote. And if I keep a reasonable pace next year, I'll get at least 36 which honestly places me within the top 10% of Singapore anyway.
But no, im pushing for the 40s for next year and all.
I wonder if its all worth it. Because its true, the cycle goes on.
Andy often talks about how we need to study hard, and yes its true, but I there is also such a thing as studying too hard. At the cost of relationships, rest, time, God.
God has been impressing certain things in my heart, especially more today and this note I found really is just like a complement to what I have been thinking about recently. And perhaps its high time some things need to be done.
And I will do it.
---
These two songs never fail to touch my heart. They bring me back to the understanding of who I am meant to be, of my direction and purposes in my life. I think both these songs sound nice, but to me its really far beyond merely that. They capture the cries of my heart.
A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
I'm caught in your grace
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing you praise
My heart and my soul, I give You control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise, become my embrace
To love You from the inside out
Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing you praise
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
My heart, my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out, my soul cries out
Savior I come
Quiet my soul
Remember
Redemption's hill
Where Your blood was spilled
For my ransom
Everything I once held dear
I count it all as lost
Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me, lead me to the cross
You were as I
Tempted and trialed
Human
The word became flesh
Bore my sin and death
Now you're risen
Everything I once held dear
I count it all as lost
Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me, lead me to the cross
To your heart
To your heart
Lead me to your heart
Lead me to your heart
---
Alright. No games from now until after exam (or at least until no revision is necessary lol). Time devoted to studies and time devoted to the Lord.
Eyes abit tired now, but since I slept for 3 hours I should stay up abit to do my TOK. Cya.
P.S. Oh my I realised Brooke Fraser sang alot of the hillsong songs that I love. After exam I shall go listen to what other songs she has. Her songs arent like, meant to 'feel good' I guess, instead they are very much Christ centered, perhaps something that sometimes may erode away in the CCM scene.