The stage is yours. You are the director, you are the choreographer, you are the dancer. You set in motion what will happen and hence you decide the outcome. Though some things may not work in the way you would like it to, nothing gets done without you, you are the boss in the stage of life's hope and dreams.
Sometimes, you would say, its impossible. It cannot be done. Im not good enough. Its crazy. But you know, 'impossible is not a word, it's just a reason for someone not to try'.
If the odds were really so stacked against you, that you would have merely a one in a thousand chance of succeeding (in your own eyes at least), and so you give up, you have gone from a 0.1% chance to a 0%. To some, its not much of a difference, but perhaps to others, if you would think about it, it just means you have gone from little hope to hopeless. And the scary thing about that is that the little glimmer which wasn't much but still there, is now no more and all that there is left is pitch black.
How important do you prize it. If it is really that important to you, would you not be willing to take the shot, no matter how the odds are stacked?
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When I was young, really young, I've been to a giant playground. I don't know how giant is giant anymore actually, it just felt huge in the past I guess. It certainly is larger than the ones we find in our neighborhoods and it was in Orchid Country Club if I remember correctly. No either how my family went in there, perhaps we knew someone who once had access.
The giant playground was marvelous, to a small kid at least, possibly my pre primary school days even. There were multiple slides and to access them, a kid had to go through the network of tunnels further and further up.
I remember on that day, I was following someone (maybe it was my brother) into the entrance, and we climbed up the initial part of the tunnel and at the end of that first section, behold, the first slide. I took it and went down and it was great (I dont know maybe I followed the person in front of me down).
Then I remember I was following that someone again (or maybe it was someone else already), and we went through the entrance again. This time, the person decided to go for the higher slides (more fun right), so the person went past the section for the first slide with me following behind. Crawling in the tunnel, there came this section where there was a netting below instead of the solid tunnel flooring. Think a circular tunnel except that one section has been replaced with a rope mesh.
The person in front of me crawled past it, but when I went closer, I stopped. I looked down through the netting and saw that the ground was some distance away. The netting is not those with huge holes that your feet could probably fit through like those in west coast park. It was those with really tiny ones that you would probably have to squeeze to poke your finger through.
But I stopped. I couldnt make myself go past it.
So I backtracked, and played with that one slide.
At the bottom of the slide, I could see other kids sliding down the higher slides, screaming with laughter.
My parents asked me why I didnt want to go, I told them I didnt dare to. They told me there is nothing to be afraid, they encouraged me (I cant remember exactly the things they did) and told me to go for the higher slides.
I climbed through the tunnels, reached the netting again, stopped, backtracked again and took the lower slide.
And then I just kept taking the lower slide.
And I wasn't enjoying myself anymore. I kept looking at the other kids who were playing with the higher slides, but I couldn't myself do it.
After who knows how long, it was time to go. My parents got me and my brother out and we wanted to go off. It was late, they had already been calling us alot of times and we had been delaying and now we absolutely must go.
At this moment I refused to go, I told my parents I havn't tried the big slides. They told me I didn't want to, that despite the fact they kept asking me to I didn't and now there is no more time left and we have to go.
I think I threw a tantrum and cried that day refusing to leave the place until I had conqured the highest slide.
I never did.
Till this day, I still remember the incident. It is one of the few memories I hold of events so far back. It never left my mind.
A giant slide doesn't interest me anymore nowadays, but what I have in me is a feeling of the regret of that so many years back, I did not have the courage to go forward and get past the netting, a very small regret that although doesn't exactly poke at me much since I don't really give a hoot about slides, but it makes me feel that I have failed at one thing that I could have accomplished if only I tried.
I doubt that if the slide is still there, it would still admit me to go in, im probably overage by 5 years or something. But if given the chance, I would do it, just once, to say I have conquered it. Certainly I can do it easily now, but the crux is that I have dared to, and I have done it.
This incident just came back to my mind while I was on the bus today, thinking about regrets.
If, a tiny playground incident that occurred possibly more than a decade ago when I was less than half my age, a period of time where I barely remembered anything, still remains so deeply etched in my memories, I wonder what does it say to us.
Regrets. Dare to. I dont know about you, but for me, perhaps its better to have tried and failed terribly then to have not tried at all and live the rest of your life wondering 'what ifs'.
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On a random note, I was doing some philosophy tests online (over hundreds of questions if you add up all of them). Majority of them are about ethics and religion and I'm proud to say that I'm rather consistent heh. 90%of the time when I answer a question that they call a contradiction to the rest of my beliefs, before they even tell me so I already know what they are going to say and can counter their argument so yay. I know what I believe and I dont sway around.
Fun to do. TOK should have more stuff like that instead of presentations and essays.
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