It really sucks to be aiming for dean's list for econs and hist and aiming to keep out of focus camp for math just to realise that you may very well be failing on all three counts, despite all the hard work put in.
Been doing math practice papers and I realised that I cant do 3/4 of the questions. There isnt enough time left to focus on both my math and history so, looks like I have to sacrifice a little of both.
I dont know. It just feels so wasted. For all the hard work and effort I have been putting in, it comes down to this.
And worse still, I feel like I have hit the ceiling, I have maximized, devoted so much of myself to my studies and this is the result. Its not like I feel that I havnt done enough, its that, I have and its not good enough still.
Its quite a terrible feeling that amongst the things that you prize the most in your life, two of them you feel that you have failed miserably despite placing them in high regard.
My comfort is in that all these things will fade away, the only thing that matters, I hold on to.
"Of making many books there is no end, and much study wearies the body" - Ecclesiastes 12:12b
Read the commentary for that at alot of sites. Taken in context, its referring to studies outside of scripture to enhance knowledge, which kinda means that includes anything we study. Solomon was perhaps the wisest man ever, yet he made this statement.
And that is for me quite a comforting thought.
So, I dont know, I dont think I'll hit my targets anymore, im afraid I cant even hit my lower limit much less the higher target, but through it all, my hope is found in the Lord my God.
Nothing else matters. Though amongst the things I prize most, even if they all are denied from me, all I need is Christ.
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