Well, here I am, home from coy camp, very sleepy right now, but nvm. I wont talk much.
Coy camp, what can I say? To different people, it will mean different things. Coy camp will have a very personal meaning for me though.
---
I admit, im no hardcore BB primer. The steering comm has asked me a few months back if I wanted to be part of the committee for CAW or coy camp, of which both I stated that I would consider, and then in the end I didn't go for either. I fully admit that I would probably not have gone for the camp if it were not compulsory.
The Christian walk for me wasn't easy too. After the exams, after tok and ee, I told myself, alright its the holidays, I have absolutely no excuse that can even pretend to come close to being legitimate for hindering my walk with God. Still, there were deficiencies. The week leading up to coy camp was one of struggle, as seen in my midnight post. It was friday, so I told myself, coy camp is coming, I don't care what, coy camp will be my retreat, to step back away from the things of this world to seek God.
Besides, it would be quite cool. I happened to be in the same group as bynes, benja and xunwei. How awesome is that.
Coy camp was never about the other BB boys. It was never about the company, of which I honestly although enjoy and do feel a part of, is not something I would devote myself unto. It was my fun, and though God was involved, it was between God and me only, excluding everyone else.
But God has different plans.
Coy camp starts, and before I knew it, I was told that I would be transferred to another group because they were lacking in primers. Alright the primers there are pretty awesome too, but still im closer to the other group so it felt like a 'downgrade'. I dont really hang around that much with these primers and contrary to the belief of some people, I am introverted and so I did spend a large majority of the morning just stoning around.
Skip activities, night time, I still couldn't remember many of the names of my own group members. They sometimes felt more like a job that I had to take, kids I had to babysit. Yet, I felt that there was something stirring. My first impression of the group was a bunch of people who only screwed around, but through the day, things such as QT, I began to realise that there is something to these people, and that God is calling me to do something.
God is calling me to go and make a difference. To go and impact lives. And my mission field wasn't in some far away land, it was right before my eyes.
The harvest was before me.
And so end of day one, it was my prayer. Use me, to bring glory to His name. Through me, make a difference in the lives of the juniors. I don't know how and why, I don't even really know these people, but that was what I felt God call me to do.
I realise im going into alot of dramatic storytelling, so I won't, but the essence of everything I said above is this. I didn't come to coy camp with a desire to do anything for anyone. But God had different plans.
And its interesting isn't it, that by the end of the third day, I was thinking, its not enough time. Its not enough. We can't be going off now, I'm not done, God isn't done with these people.
At the carpark, Toj commented that I looked 'sad', maybe because I was disappointed that coy camp ended. In a way, it is true. It ended too early, there were still things to be done. I still wanted more group time, prayer room time, more QT sessions and all (turns out that the juniors really enlighten me with their own inputs).
But things happened, and I realised that, camp or no camp, God is still working. He is working now in ways so amazing that we cannot comprehend, but He is working.
And in the camp, it also dawned upon me, that perhaps my taking charge of juniors was a preparation for something else that He may be calling me to do.
---
As I mentioned above, the camp was for me primarily a retreat. And its a good retreat. Not just in terms of prayer or discipleship, but really, its been some time since I have put God in the very center of everything I do, in guiding the group along, in serving, in giving or whatever else there may be.
I dare say that I have been seeking God throughout the camp, this not said out of pride, but out of the understanding that back home I do not do enough, and now back home typing this, honesty I do feel afraid that I might slip again.
Countless times God has touched my heart and countless times I have fallen back. How would I know this time it would not be the same?
But whatever it may be, I will try, I will go.
Fires of revival.
---
I have changed the verse at the top of the blog again. Its the coy camp theme verse, and it is so important.
---