So blessed, I can't contain it.
So much, I've got to give it away.
My mom calls me an excessive spendthrift. Shes really proud of the fact that unlike many other people, I don't spend alot but rather have no trouble with that. She also thinks im over doing it because I buy, well, absolutely nothing. Heh.
I think its rare for us youngsters nowadays eh. Your parents have to tell you to go and spend more money xD.
But I noticed something about myself. While I don't buy things for myself (usually I think they aren't worth the price), I do it for other people. Things that I wouldn't get for myself because I think they are overpriced, I don't really hesitate to get it for other people (that is, when I actually do it). Be it birthday presents, giving a treat, or sometimes just the small little stuff, I willingly do it.
I suppose there is a reason for that. Its just that, for myself, I know that these items bring me limited satisfaction, but when it comes to gifts and treats, in addition to the thing itself, there is an additional factor to it. It shows the friendship, the love, the goodwill and all. And when that occurs, the price is more 'worth it'.
In a sense, you can call it buying smiles and happiness. Who doesn't like a treat or a gift? Makes your world a brighter place even if its not something you'd really love. Its the act itself that makes it wonderful.
That is giving, and I guess sometimes im proud of myself for being like that, that though I could be considered miser level with myself, I don't do it when it comes to other people (now, jhooing is a different thing, I might give you a treat but please don't jhoo my food because it is, well, mine).
A thought just came to my head today though, and that really challenged what I thought about giving.
You see, if I told myself that such forms of giving is good and all that is necessary, then I am in conflict with myself in terms of my opinion on one issue. That is the issue of bad parenting.
Bad parenting (or at least the form of it im concerned about here) is when a parent doesn't spend time to build a relationship with the child, but instead to make up for it merely gives the child whatever he or she wants.
To really give, one must not just invest monetary things. One must invest their own time, their own lives. And suddenly, giving seems much harder.
Yes, one may raise some objections to this comparison. For one, it is a parent's job to do more, friends are after all optional people who need not be part of our lives but yet whom we have chosen to make them a part of. Hence a friend is not as obliged as a parent is. Another objection perhaps is that we do love our friends anyway, not like the bad parents who neglect their child.
I admit those two points raised are true, but it doesn't tackle the issue of what giving really is, and if we're gonna let them hinder this definition, then we aren't getting anywhere.
So. Giving. Think of the three types of gifts one may receive. A gift that was casually bought, a gift that was carefully selected, and a gift that has traces of the giver. In case the third one was confusing, I meant things like gifts with a thoughtful note written by the giver in it, or perhaps a completely handmade one.
Notice that there was some form of hierarchy in those gifts. While we say 'its the thought that counts', I think there is no better way to show our thought than this. Notice that as one goes up the hierarchy, it takes more time and effort on the giver's part to do it.
(Which reminds me. I still owe five people birthday gifts. Oh dear. Ok I refuse to cancel it rawr.)
I guess ultimately thats the heart of giving. Giving never lay in the gift itself, it was always with the intention, the conveying of heart to another. The willingness to part with our money for the betterment of another shows some goodwill, but it is limited, for after all money isn't really worth anything in life.
Time is something we can never recover once we lost them. Effort means persevering and willing to go through labour. All these done for someone else is a clearer conveying of the heart than monetary gifts alone can ever be.
The gifts that means the most to me aren't the most expensive stuff. Its exactly the stuff in category three that I mentioned earlier. It makes me smile, it makes me thank God for that person in my life.
When seen in this light, I have to come to admit that I don't give much. I don't really like spending time and effort on other people. Be it gifts or just the little things in life, when they inconvenience me, I try to avoid them. Perhaps im a little like the bad parents, I desire to do things for my friends, but im not willing to invest time and effort, so I invest monetary things instead.
So I guess there is one thing I can conclude for myself in this. Spend more money on myself, spend more of my life on others.
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You know, that was a pretty easy blog idea. I realised that I do come up with these stuff to talk about really easily, and I do have the motivation to talk about them haha.
These little things when penned down help me to internalise them I guess, and that makes me understand myself better.
For this one, all I did was, I reached home, threw away my empty iced latte drink from macs that I claimed for free using the instant win thing, and while walking away, realised that I would never had bought the drink for myself because it wasn't cheap, and from there connections are made and in 30 seconds, tadah, everything I wanted to post about was on my mind already heh.
I still have two more posts kept in a notepad document on my desktop actually. They have been there since the exam period which is like almost two months ago (woah exams were that long ago), I never posted them because, well, it was exam period haha. So I just wrote my pointers down and yep. They've been there since. Should post them soon haha. They're both random stuff though, random as in, not actually talking about anything important or even any thoughts about life and stuff haha.
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Was reading the book again. I just amazed myself by realising that I didn't lose the game when I picked up the book earlier today, and even when one of the sections I read was called 'losing our turn', which you know, has the word lose in it.
Buttt, thats not my point. Point is, an excerpt!! From that section haha =).
One of the most devastating experiences in life is a sense that what I do does not matter. Perhaps the most important research into depression over the last many decades was a series of experiments that showed it is brought on by a sense of 'learned helplessness.' Experimenters gave groups of dogs a series of small electric shocks. Some dogs learned they could stop the shocks by jumping over a wall; other dogs were given shocks at random. The second group simply lay down and quit trying to do anything. Later on they were put in the setting where they could have stopped the shocks by jumping over the wall, but they never tried. They 'learned' that they were helpless.
Interesting isn't it. Something we have to be careful about I guess.
Well thats it for today. Imma be disappearing =).
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