Well, im back from Inside Out, reached home around midnight yesterday, flying off from Singapore to Korea tonight.
Oh goodness please dont ask me to buy stuff. I got like every other person asking me to do that, and then I scared later I get stuff for some people then the others complain that I never get for them. I'll get something if its something small that I can get alot of heh.
Well, I don't know what I feel about Inside Out really. When I think of it, so many different images pop up in my mind that it becomes such a mess and im unable to comprehend it.
I guess I feel a little in limbo. It was really abrupt for me, all of a sudden in the middle of everything I just disappear, without a proper conclusion or anything. The moment I left AHS and stepped into my dad's car, I realised that I already missed the camp.
Having to have to go halfway through sucks man. Now at home typing this or doing whatever else, I still keep wondering about what is going on at AHS now.
I guess I feel a little in limbo. It was really abrupt for me, all of a sudden in the middle of everything I just disappear, without a proper conclusion or anything. The moment I left AHS and stepped into my dad's car, I realised that I already missed the camp.
Having to have to go halfway through sucks man. Now at home typing this or doing whatever else, I still keep wondering about what is going on at AHS now.
So yea, everything in my mind is quite confused now, having a taste of everything but not quite full. Spiritually, its kind of like, a sudden forced exit. Away from encounters, from worship, from time spent in prayer, from kairos and all that. Here, kinda incomplete I guess.
When I went to Inside Out, one of my primary aims was really to see that fire come alive once again like in coy camp. I came with my mind set to do those things, with the song 'fires of revival' ringing in my head, and all of a sudden before I see it come to pass, I feel ushered out and now, separate.
I know God put me there for a reason, and yet I feel that I havnt been able to finish.
Relationally, its the same I guess. I was just starting to get to know some people better, and you know, thats me. I do take time to warm up to people, and from there then I would start doing things. Suddenly though, before I had begun, it has ended. Goodbyes were kinda weird, running around in the darkness of the corridors, finding individuals and saying farewells. I imagine that I did manage to catch almost everyone that I wanted to say goodbye to (did miss a few), yet the whole feeling is weird, so rushed and all, as if I didnt really manage to say proper goodbyes. Up till the last one and a half hours, the idea of leaving still felt so distant.
Emotionally, im a little left hanging, just wondering about something that I do not know what. I feel something stir within me, but I cannot place what it is. I try to pinpoint the source, close my eyes and think, but again random images of the things we have done, the possibilities of the future in the camp and all just keep flashing through and I don't know what is it that causes this. Rarely this happens I guess, I can usually tell what is the source of what I am feeling, but this time round I feel completely disorientated.
Maybe thats simply what it is. Disorientation.
Its rather disorientating when it comes down to myself personally too. I come to realise that there are a great deal of mysteries. So many things that I do not understand, so many things that I do not know. One of them is really myself. I find that I dont know myself. With all the reflecting that I do on this blog and the vast amount of time I spend thinking about life and all, I realise that I don't really understand it.
Yet, do we need to know? Im not sure, perhaps we dont. We can never fully know anything anyway. Yet it does creep at me when I realise that what I understand is really so minute. Spending time reflecting about this past year, it served to raise up so many more questions that I cannot seem to give an answer to, and yet at the same time, I wonder whether the answers are important at all, or perhaps it is the questions that are the important ones.
Kinda strange. Well, I guess things like this are a package experience, its not quite the same when you're only around for half the time. I know Inside Out will be great. If it can stir up so much within me, when brought to completion, it will be awesome, in every sense of that word. Its a pity I cant be around to see it to its end.
Well, my trip to korea begins in less than half a day's time, but yet I seem to be completely unable to feel it. Maybe I will in a couple of hours time, I probably will since I have never been there before plus im going with a bunch of cool people whom I do enjoy myself with around.
Yep. Well, really, I dont know what to say. So I guess I wont try.
So cya everyone, till after Christmas =).
Lets fly.
When I went to Inside Out, one of my primary aims was really to see that fire come alive once again like in coy camp. I came with my mind set to do those things, with the song 'fires of revival' ringing in my head, and all of a sudden before I see it come to pass, I feel ushered out and now, separate.
I know God put me there for a reason, and yet I feel that I havnt been able to finish.
Relationally, its the same I guess. I was just starting to get to know some people better, and you know, thats me. I do take time to warm up to people, and from there then I would start doing things. Suddenly though, before I had begun, it has ended. Goodbyes were kinda weird, running around in the darkness of the corridors, finding individuals and saying farewells. I imagine that I did manage to catch almost everyone that I wanted to say goodbye to (did miss a few), yet the whole feeling is weird, so rushed and all, as if I didnt really manage to say proper goodbyes. Up till the last one and a half hours, the idea of leaving still felt so distant.
Emotionally, im a little left hanging, just wondering about something that I do not know what. I feel something stir within me, but I cannot place what it is. I try to pinpoint the source, close my eyes and think, but again random images of the things we have done, the possibilities of the future in the camp and all just keep flashing through and I don't know what is it that causes this. Rarely this happens I guess, I can usually tell what is the source of what I am feeling, but this time round I feel completely disorientated.
Maybe thats simply what it is. Disorientation.
Its rather disorientating when it comes down to myself personally too. I come to realise that there are a great deal of mysteries. So many things that I do not understand, so many things that I do not know. One of them is really myself. I find that I dont know myself. With all the reflecting that I do on this blog and the vast amount of time I spend thinking about life and all, I realise that I don't really understand it.
Yet, do we need to know? Im not sure, perhaps we dont. We can never fully know anything anyway. Yet it does creep at me when I realise that what I understand is really so minute. Spending time reflecting about this past year, it served to raise up so many more questions that I cannot seem to give an answer to, and yet at the same time, I wonder whether the answers are important at all, or perhaps it is the questions that are the important ones.
Kinda strange. Well, I guess things like this are a package experience, its not quite the same when you're only around for half the time. I know Inside Out will be great. If it can stir up so much within me, when brought to completion, it will be awesome, in every sense of that word. Its a pity I cant be around to see it to its end.
Well, my trip to korea begins in less than half a day's time, but yet I seem to be completely unable to feel it. Maybe I will in a couple of hours time, I probably will since I have never been there before plus im going with a bunch of cool people whom I do enjoy myself with around.
Yep. Well, really, I dont know what to say. So I guess I wont try.
So cya everyone, till after Christmas =).
Lets fly.
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