I cannot say that I regret being part of IB. It is because I am in this school that I am where I am today, so blessed indeed. Yet I will not hesitate too to say I wish I could have done without this programme.
Its a personal failing of mine as well I guess. To push myself so hard. Yet in this school, I push so hard and it is still not enough. The school pushes us harder, to be the very best not just in the nation but in the world.
There really isnt a need for that. I am wasting my life away. All the times where I truly wanted to be elsewhere doing something else, be it a simple dinner meal or a birthday celebration, whatever it may be. All the times where pushing harder for work meant sacrificing my relationships with others. It is the direct opposite of everything I believe in.
I really wished I had the guts to just be content with 38 points. 38 points is more than enough for me to go for the things I want to go for. Yet I push myself for a 41 or a 43. I spend hours on end just to polish up those stupid IAs to get me an additional one or two marks.
What am I doing with my life?
I have completely lost interest in operation matador and cold war politics.
Im tired. I wish I had the guts to, but in the end I always find myself attempting to perfect every single piece of graded assignment that it just completely takes over my world. Living permanently in stress. What the heck did I do with my term two holidays. I frankly hate my math port. Working on it hours on end didn't make me develop a love for it. With its completion now looking back, I don't find fulfillment but just time completely wasted.
Often around me I see people who are more 'screwed' than me in terms of their quality of work and quantity of work completed. Yet perhaps they lead more joyful lives than I do.
Why do I have to be such a perfectionist?
I really wished I wasn't in IB. Even those people at raffles are having an easier time. You know what, they're right. They are the smart ones. We're the idiots losing ourselves losing our lives to this vampire of an education system.
Get me away from here.