It suddenly does feel very weird that PLC is over. After all those weeks of endless planning, getting logistics, worrying about it, being stressed about all the complications, suddenly when I open my inbox and it tells me I have no new messages.
In the camp, running here and there, buying food, washing the fruit punch tub, fighting ants, giving free fruit punch to johann and ncc sea, trying really hard to stay awake at church and failing, being attacked endlessly because of the design of my shirt (I WILL USE IT ONLY FOR BREAKING ICE FROM NOW ON), pudi pudi, general salutes, cheezeburgerz, pac men, fruits, it all feels surreal, like a distant memory. Its what always happens when we get to leave behind all our school and work, the normal routine of life for awhile I guess.
Food and log isnt pleasant work, I don't really want to do it again should I ever be part of another camp comm again, but I would have gladly done it more if it meant that we could have this camp longer.
I miss everything and everyone already. Alot
Gosh, I dont really want to delete the POP PLC folder shortcut I have on my desktop.
This is going to be some major post, its significantly longer than my EE and took a few hours across two days. It is pretty much the longest post I have ever written since the inception of TRCT, but you know, I dont want to live on but forget. Heh, if only I had such dedication to my work.
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The Camp
I have decided I have resolved, to wait upon you Lord
This was the song played after DI's prayer meeting. This was the first song that we the exco worshipped to during precamp night. These were the words I saw scribbled on the prayer room.
This song was the song that I associated with the camp, and it was the reason why I asked Ryan Goh if we could play it on the last day. It didnt fit in with the rest of the worship so thats alright, but it took on a special meaning for me. I remember being stressed out with logistics on wednesday at DI prayer meeting, and after it was over, this song was put on, and softly, the music played in the background and with absolute conviction at that moment I know that it would all be worth it, that God will come, and a miracle will be worked in the camp. That was enough for me, to know that God is with us.
Just that, you know, even I didn't expect the extent of what a miracle the camp would be.
My rock and redeemer, shield and reward, I'll wait upon You Lord
Its the first time im really being in the exco of a camp. I dont count megacamp, which I was supposedly the chair or vicechair of I cant even remember anymore. I didnt know how to plan a camp at all and really just lepaked all the way, did close to nothing for it. It was a really bad experience I must say. Through the course of this camp, I have learnt much from this new experience, but the greatest things I have learnt came not from the activities in themselves but in the manifestation of God with us through it all.
The first day was particularly difficult for me, having to run all around the place preparing everything, it was so messy. Mainly the issue was with the drinks and meals as there were unforeseen difficulties with those as well as the fact that I had to teach J Gwee and Matt Wang what to do before they could do it automatically for me the next day. I remember being the odd one out with my attire at dinner and supper because everyone else was in brigade lol.
The interesting thing was, first day although technically my busiest day, now becomes like a distant fading memory, because it really didnt matter. I think it was bloke who said it, but running around and doing things doesnt mean that you are making a difference in the camp. I think I really burned myself out that day. People had commented that I looked so stressed out, which in a way I was. I dont know if some of the things I have done was unimportant, but I really dont remember what I did. A lesson learnt I guess.
I know in many ways I wasn't the best food and log ic. Yes, people loved the butter chicken and the food in general, but there were many ways in which I had failed too. The remaining logistics that had to be settled on precamp and during camp itself, the massive amount of food which was wasted (especially second night supper), the budget issues. Still, I know that I'm not perfect, and perhaps for my very first real camp, this was good enough.
As surely as the sun will rise, You'll come to us, as certain as the dawn appears.
The words of Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane 'Not my will, but Yours be done' was something that was held dearly by us the exco throughout the course of the camp, and indeed it was what God had shown us so clearly, so powerfully. I will only speak of those that directly concern me, let the others give their own testimonies.
By day two, I was beginning to feel distraught over the food and budget issues. I had a great fear that I overestimated the attendance and hence ordered too much food, and unexpected heavy expenses spent on the night games didn't help much either. Well, the food part is true, I did over order, another lesson learnt, but worried about the wrath of the higher ups, I had seemed to have forgotten that the highest was in control. Compounded with the day three dinner issue, it was with great apprehension that I went to hlk to settle budget issues on that afternoon of that last day.
By the grace of God, we pulled through.
This was an example of something that unless you were a steerer in the know or part of the exco, you will be unable to appreciate it. People were refusing to pass me their receipts to make their claims, wanting instead to absorb the costs. The fear of blowing the budget was real, it was scary, but by the grace of God, we pulled through. It wasn't some random miscalculation pull through, it was, in a very special way a totally unexpected thing for me, and I give God the praise and glory.
You'll come, let your glory fall as you respond to us.
Night games was another worry for me. Mark Chan had his worries about how successful it would be, and im sure he would absolutely love to tell the stories of LT2 and of night games preparations, of which God had shown himself to be faithful. The part of night games I wanted to talk about would be my own personal difficulty with it.
To be honest, right form its inception, I didnt really like the night games idea, mainly the reason why I tried to push for it to be comical in nature. Night games never appealed to me. Since young I hated scary stuff, having been traumatized at a really young age by night of the living dummy III (I had nightmares for a month after that). Growing up, I never watched a single horror movie and I still havnt. In nhps during a camp, I was traumatized further by their night games which I think I was one of the only few students to pull out in the middle of the games after being scared by SKII mask person. Although I had great respect for the people who pulled off POC night games because it was really well done, it still scared me quite abit. Now, it was my turn to assume the position of someone to scare others, I really didn't feel comfortable with that idea.
After everything was set up and we were waiting for the arrival of the groups, even then, I felt like pulling out. I had talked to those at my station about toning down the level of scariness and they had concurred. Later, steering came along and they too talked about it. What did we aim to achieve through these night games? Was it really courageousness as stated in the AI? Or are we scaring for the sake of it? If it was the latter, then we would be in the wrong. So I kept praying, my heart troubled, that this may be something pleasing to God's will and not something He would be against.
Cut short the long story, night games turned out brilliantly well. Many year 5s were so full of praise for it, and I had learnt from the group leaders of how the groups really bonded together tightly as a result of the games. Perhaps I have let my own personal struggle come between me and what God knows is best. I stand corrected. I guess it was a good thing that all the stations toned down the scare factor, but it was still very well executed, even skeptics changed their opinion.
Spirit reign, flood into our thirsty hearts again.
Adventure program was another huge concern. So many of us in the exco in doing each of our respective jobs have already experienced what it meant for it to be 'not my will, but Yours be done'. Well, with the rain on that day, I guess you could say we were put to the ultimate test. The rain would cause huge complications, resulting in us having to cancel the hike as well as other issues like the day three dinner. At BB GB campsite, the exco gathered to pray, that the rain may stop so that our activities may resume, but not our will be His be done.
It kept raining. The hike was canceled and we all went back to school.
It seemed like a failure, but I remember the prayer that we lifted up, that should He choose to let His will be done, He may show us why he has done so.
Later, Grace shared with us on how the year 5s were so tired out already. Thinking about it, we year 6s had so more rest time and yet we were still conked out, much less the year 5s. Perhaps it is true, that He knew that above all, the prayer, worship and word that would end the camp would be of higher importance, and He chose instead not to have the hike but instead give the year 5s some rest. Canceling the hike enabled us to have the time of QT that we missed on day 2 when our schedules were pushed back, something which turned out to be very fruitful indeed.
A few notable things. The rain ended the moment we returned to school. This reminds me of all the times at DI when the rain stopped for us, and then continued the moment we ended, except that this time it was the other way round. It was as if God was telling us that this was His will. He provided for us with the day three dinner problem which arose as a result of the cancellation and really stressed us out.
I know that God is in control.
And so as I have said, this camp was nothing short of a miracle. I speak only superficially in this section, only about activities in themselves and how God has provided for them. I speak only of the things I personally experienced and not even about those that so many others have. I have not even begun to speak of the impact of the camp on attendees.
Indeed, God He reigns.
You'll come, you'll come.
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The People
My richest gain I count but loss, and pour contempt on all my pride.
This new batch of y5 primers. I see great things in store for them. I don't say it casually like and im not saying it in the sense that im believing for them to be it, but its as if I can already see it happening. I know that God is definitely going to move powerfully in this batch. I know that they will supersede us, they will bring success to the areas in which we have failed, they will take primers and BB to a whole new level.
I talked to one of my friends more than a week ago about this. I just, have this feeling deep within me that this batch will lead a new revival. This is my conviction, and I await to see it come to pass.
Being in the camp, I find myself further convinced of this. I may not have been around them most of the time, but yet, I ask around and I hear stories of what is going on in the camp. Though I do not see with my own eyes, I know with all my heart that this batch are a people of God seekers. This batch is a batch with raw potential contained within them, just waiting to be unleashed.
I am greatly encouraged by the new primers organization scheme. I am greatly encouraged by the start these primers will have. I remember when we started out in primers, I didn't have any idea what adventure or programs was all about so I didn't touch those at all. The only thing I really understood was CE and so that was what I applied for. Not that I regret it, probably even if I had known I still would have chosen CE, but its just that I would have made a clearer choice instead of being confused about what was going on. I remember shortly afterwards we were told to write a policy paper, and I didn't even know what I was supposed to do at that point in time. I know that CE comm consisted of prayer, worship and bible study, but I didn't know the job scope of each of those.
Now the primers have everything explained to them clearly, they know what their tasks will be, they know clearly what they have to do. I love the new way in which the committees are organised, the new steering comm which all the heads in it, one officer in charge of each comm. This is very good foundation, and we all know that a good start is half the battle won.
Its funny how I was feeling quite tense during the release of positions. Majority of these people don't even know who I am, and on my part I don't know them on a personal level, just their names and faces. Still, these are the people of God. These are the ones in whom I believe will make a difference, and somehow I just feel a strong sense of attachment to them despite the fact that I barely communicate with them.
I know God is moving in their lives. I may not have been there during second worship, but I just feel it in me. I am thankful to God that He came as He promised to. The King of glory was present in the camp, and He touched lives, changed lives.
As we broke camp, I just watched people slowly stream out, and suddenly I was reminded of that same picture during LDC. It was the last day, we had a time or worship before breaking camp, and it was also in the IAN. I remember the lives touched that day, tears cried, and in this striking similar parallel, I stood there, watching, knowing that greater things have yet to come.
My greatest loss in this camp was the time spent with the y5s. It was pretty much non existent. I see photographs of all the time they have spent together and I realise that I was barely in all of those. Till now, I still have no idea how many members are there in my group and I still do not know the names of every one of them. Its a great pity, that these people whom I feel so strongly for I never got much of a chance to interact with them. I wish things could be different of course, but its alright, as long as they move on fine, I will be satisfied.
Jesus Christ, He is alive, and He reigns in the lives of these.
Love so amazing, so divine, demands my soul, my life, my all
I am thankful for the opportunity to work with this exco. Though we all have our times of ups and downs, all the frustrations towards one another, at the end of the day I find that I have come to love and appreciate each and every single individual in the exco.
I admit sometimes I wonder if people are really doing things for the camp, if they really feel like I do for it, if they are really pressing hard for it. Yet eventually I come to realise that sometimes the things that we do are things that go unseen by man. Just because I do not see people doing things, it does not mean that they are not. The only reason why I think I am doing much is because I see everything that I am doing, but I do not see everything that the others are doing.
I am reminded of the dramatic story of 1 Kings 19 of which Elijah was losing hope in doing the work of God. Twice he spoke honestly to God about how he was the last prophet, the lone man in the battlefield, and yet God opened his eyes to see that there were many more out there fighting with him, just that he could not see. In the same way perhaps I thought maybe I was alone, and perhaps in the minds of so many others in the exco, we all thought we were alone too, but at the end of the day we were shown otherwise.
I am grateful for this exco, which has been a great blessing to me in my life. I thoroughly enjoyed myself in the fun moments, with all the inside jokes that plain silliness of our little childlike behaviors. The thing about inside jokes is really that years down the road, they take on a very special meaning. When you remember them, you remember all these things they were associated with and it brings a smile to your faces. It has been great fun working with the exco and given the opportunity, I would gladly do it again.
In times of work, I guess there is one fault of mine, which is to focus so much on my tasks or my own weariness that I fail to notice those around me. Reflecting back upon this camp, I guess there are times in which I could have done more for the people around me instead of being absorbed in my own things. I realise that I don't remember speaking a single word of encouragement to anyone in the exco throughout the course of the camp. Well its over now, I can't do much about that, but perhaps something to take note of in the future. No matter how tired or weary I may be, I must be an encourager, to assist those in need. I believe in serving others, I believe in making a difference, and this I must carry out in my life and not just as a philosophy in the mind.
Still, I am grateful of the fact that even though in many ways I have failed to do this for others, I am very much aware of the times that these people have done it for me. Within the exco, special mention goes to Jeu who was really a great encouragement through not his words but his actions all the way from the beginning of POP to the end of PLC. When I get tired of all these things, he would be there to help me through it. Outside the exco, my greatest appreciations goes to Toj, whom I once hated in sec 2 but has become someone that I greatly respect. I remember clearly the times where I was so drained and just sat there, looking at the things I need to do, and Toj just chased me away and did the things for me. There were many others of course, I could think of more than five off the top of my head, but these two really made an impact on me.
Caleb inspires me. He doesn't come across as the kind who talks alot, but throughout this camp he feels like a guardian, standing silently over all, watching, giving help when its necessary. He was the one who drove over to wah chee every meal time to get the food with me. He never complains, but just watches. He doesn't attack us when we may not be quite on track, but speaks kindly. I believe that there are many things that he had done for us throughout the course of this camp, with the big ones being like the stayover at his house as well as the third night dinner, yet I still cannot be entirely sure of all the things he has done for us because he seems to be quite a ninja at it, but I just know that he has been doing so throughout the camp.
My greatest fear is that we may all just resume back into our daily routine lives, strangers once again. Now that the camp is over, this exco has disbanded, and although we will still see each other again, perhaps it will not be the same. I know that I may not be the best of friends, I certainly hope that I did not make anyone feel like its good riddance to me because I know that through the course of all these I may have not been trying hard to forge deeper relations beyond the scope of work given to us. I may not have spoken it or perhaps even shown it, a failing of mine to let important people in my life go unappreciated, but I deeply treasure this time we spent with one another. Caleb mentioned about how we shouldnt make it feel so final, but somehow to me, I dread that it might be so. In this, I just have to wait and see and hope that I overreact as I sometimes do.
I am so thankful to God for the opportunity to come to know some of these great warriors of His kingdom of whom we fight in this battlefield together. It has been a great blessing to me, and I yearn for more days of fighting for His kingdom together.
O the wonderful cross, O the wonderful cross
Bids me come and die and find that I may truly live
O the wonderful cross, O the wonderful cross
All who gather here by grace draw near and bless Your name
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My Life
Give me eyes to see, more of who You are.
May what I behold, still my anxious heart.
Take what I have known, and break it all apart.
For You my God, are Greater still.
I'd like to tell the story of once again why I come to be part of the PLC exco, though I believe I have said it a couple of times. I've been going around collecting money for BB week recently, and I guess probably its my joking salesman demeanor (which is pretty successful actually), but no one really believes me when I tell them BB changes lives. Im perfectly serious when I say that, from the bottom of my heart. This entire post is a testimony to that, my flooded facebook posts are as well, and here is my own story.
BB was always my second choice. My first choice was fencing (yes guys it was). It is pretty much the only sport that I really feel myself drawn to and I was after all one of the original three people who decided that we would want to take it up in year 5. I didn't eventually, because fencing that year was no recognized as an official CCA and plus we had to pay club fees which I didn't want to.
Not to suan the fencers, but deciding not to join fencing and instead opting for second choice turned out to be the single most important decision I ever made in year 5 and one of the most important ones I have made in my entire life.
When I joined BB, I joined not exactly for CAS and NYAA though that was part of the reason. The main reason why I joined was because I saw it as a place where I can grow in Christ. I did faithfully come for BB parades every saturday (my attendance is near perfect okay) and I did serve in the bible study committee by taking notes and uploading them on the yahoo groups every week. I did enjoy BB because I felt that the people were generally quite nice and I love hanging around fellow Christians, not to mention worship and word which I continued to feed on.
At the rate I went, I supposed I would have RODed, left BB and moved on, thinking that it was a relatively good experience. BB was great and I never regretted joining it, but I guess it took me time to realise that even then I was merely skimming at the surface of its richness. What bloke talked about with BB as a buffet never quite sank in. Essentially, BB is like a buffet meal, you pick and choose what you want to take from it, if you sit around, you dont get anything at all.
Coy camp changed everything. God's hand was certainly in it. Initially, I was going to be part of Bynes' group, but eventually they decided that they needed me in this other group. So on the day itself, I received notice that I was transferred to Galatia 1,2. I was just an ordinary group member, hanging around with a bunch of year 1s to 4s whom I have never met (well except Gerald but when we met during CAW it wasnt very memorable). As a senior, I did do my best to lead them spiritually and stuff, though it wasn't easy for me especially on the first day where I often found it a little difficult to communicate with these younger ones since I never quite had the ability to instantly bond with people I do not know.
Indeed, they needed me in the group. The three year 5s in my group were Shaun, Gabriel and Asher. Shaun was camp commandant. Asher was in the comm or something. Gabriel was group leader, he had music classes and also led worship sometimes and hence disappeared from time to time. I remember multiple periods of time where I was the only year 5 in the entire group present, including every night since the three of them would have debrief. It was because of that then I was in that sense forced to build relationships with these people. I admit I still havnt done it perfectly, I seem to have lost contact with majority of my group members, but a few I still speak to time to time.
Yet, it was there that I finally saw BB as more than a place for me to learn biblical knowledge of have fun and enjoy myself with fellow primers. It was there when I saw BB as a ministry. The night where we gathered to pray for one another, I found myself confronted with the fact that where I stood, I held the power to shape lives. Sometimes amongst our peers, we find it a tad bit difficult to shape others, but here as a senior, I could.
Despite all the areas in which I felt I failed, one thing touched my heart the night we broke camp. As everyone was leaving, I stood hanging around, just thinking about all that we had experienced. Waiting at the roundabout for reasons that I have since forgotten what, I received an sms from a year 1 group member, a non Christian, who thanked me personally for praying for him, for being with him in the past three days, and for being generally someone who cared and watched over him.
I forever remember that moment, its sealed in my memory. After all the things I had been confronted with in coy camp, this was the final blow. I knew God has woken me up from my slumber and called me to this battlefield. I always thought of DI as my battlefield, BB as this other Christian place where I hang around. Everything changed right there and then. I have heard the sound of the trumpet. I have heard the battle cry.
From that day on, I thought of BB no longer as my CCA but as a ministry. After much deep thinking and praying, during one of the Galatia outings, I turned to Shaun Lim and asked him about upcoming BB camps. There was only one left of course before our primers term would come to an end. It was PLC. And there and then I applied to be part of it. That is how I ended up where I am today.
In the days leading up to PLC, I was getting really excited about it. There really isn't a need for me to talk about this, just scroll through my previous posts haha. It is the excitement about lives touched the belief that God will show up, the belief that lives will be changed, lives will be touched.
Though the journey was not easy, especially in the week, the final dash, I found myself pressing on with one desire. To see God work in the lives of these people. For BB is a ministry, and I want to be part of it to make a difference. It was my 'screw EE, screw math port, screw IB, just focus on PLC' week haha. That week, God gave me the verse Galatians 6:9 which I held on to dearly, saved it as a note on my hp that I could keep seeing, and wrote it on the whiteboard of the primers room (its still there haha).
That was PLC to me. For that last dash, it was the only reason that I lived.
No sky contains, no doubts restrain, all You are,
The greatness of our God.
I spend my life to know, and I'm far from close, to all You are,
The greatness of our God.
Now it has come to an end. Through the course of the camp, sometimes my duty ensured that I didn't have as much time or energy to spend reflecting on all of these. Still, I remember in those quiet moments to myself the tears and the prayers. I had a very strong emotional attachment to this camp. It is my first, and it is my last. Never has there been one like it, and there will there be another quite like it.
A couple of people told me that in the course of the camp I looked sad all the time. I think its true, I apologize if it affected the mood, but I really wasn't sad. I couldn't be happier. I don't know why I just kept stoning, maybe cause my brain was fried by everything already. Like, sometimes I dont know what I'm doing, I would just stone, then after awhile I realise that everyone is clearing up and I should be helping instead of sitting there, then I go to help, and after awhile suddenly I realise that I have gone back to stoning lol.
So it ends, and yet I want more. It is not enough. I remember on the last day during worship, upon bended knees and lifting up my hands, I still couldn't quite express my deepest reverence and awe in worship to God.
As our primers term draws to a close, I regret that I have not formed deeper friendships with those within it. I regret that I have not partaken in more activities for the kingdom of God. I regret that I have not given of my all to this wonderful ministry that is set before me. Still, I know that God has plans for me, and through this time spent in primers, I have learnt much, and to a certain extent, I have given.
Life has returned. Moving on from here, just as He saw me through before the camp, during the camp, I believe that He will see me through after the camp. There may be math port, TOK presentations and all, but I know that my God is much greater than these. I may not be able to go anywhere this holidays, but it was a worthwhile sacrifice.
PLC was worth it. PLC was worth so much more.
And there is nothing, that can ever seperate us.
There is nothing, that can ever separate us from Your love.
No life, no death, of this I am convinced.
That you my God, are greater still
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Father Lord, I thank you for giving me this opportunity to serve you. I thank you Lord, for this life changing experience that you have brought me through. Even this post here cannot begin to recount all Your goodness, for words alone cannot capture the greatness of who You are. I thank you Lord, for the opportunity to work aside You, to touch lives, to make a difference. I thank you Lord, for the people you have brought into my life whom have inspired me greatly. I thank you Lord, for teaching me lessons of which I could otherwise never have learnt. I thank you Lord, for all that You have done, and all that You will continue to do in the lives of each and every single one of us.
I thank you Lord, that PLC has been such a life changing experience, not just for the intended year 5 primers, but the year 6 primers as well as us the exco. Even as we move on from here, help us to never forget the things that we have experienced, but to instead hold them dearly in our lives. For the year 5s, as they begin their term as leaders of the twelfth coy, may Your spirit guide them every step of the way. I believe that you have set them apart for a mighty work to be done, and I pray that indeed Your will may be accomplished through them as they offer up their lives to you as vessels to be used by You.
I thank you Lord, for all the lives which have been touched. I thank You Lord, for revealing Yourself so powerfully to each and every single one of us in this camp. I know that You are God, the mighty one who reigns, seated upon the throne, and in that comforting thought, I exit my term in primers, letting the new ones rise up and be the next wave, knowing that no matter what, You are in control.
I thank you Lord, for Your love for me, and for the privilege to be part of your kingdom work. I thank you, that You were with us through it all, that You are Immanuel. I thank you Lord. In Jesus name I pray, amen.
Chains be broken.
Lives be healed.
Eyes be opened.
Christ is revealed.
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