Three times over

So many things happened today. In a strange way, they are so distant yet so interconnected.

Common theme for today: death.

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'Why do you make it sound so...final?'

Those were the words of mr caleb lin in response to ryan goh's debrief at the end of PLC. It is only apt to bring it up here once again.

Well, primers has come to an end for me. Its like a part of me has died. In many ways, I feel like it had been such a pity. Throughout my entire time spent in the primers programme, what I had given to it in year 5 just seems so superficial. As a result of being a 'late bloomer', I never really forged close bonds with the people in primers who were there right from the beginning in year 5. I can hardly call any of the current year 6s really close friends of mine whom i share weal and woe with, with the exception of those that I already know from outside BB. I frankly dont actually know any of my juniors in year 3. There was so much more that I could have done, so much more that I could have given.

I could go on and on but I wont. Simply this, it is sad but true, but even as I exit from my term in primers, if I could sum up in all one thing that I felt, it was regret.

Sitting throughout the entire ROD segment, listening to testimony after testimony, it was what echoed in me. A feeling that there was so much more in here, and because I only skimmed the surface, I feel regret, for so much more could have been done.

I dont hold this view alone. Toj and Ryan Tan talked about their own personal regrets. I know quite a number of others who didnt really say it out but feel the same way. We had many failings, and its a truth we cannot run away from. Somewhere along the way, the entire system just broke down. I thank God though, that even through our failures, we managed to fight all the way through to the end, still united as one.

Time has run out. I'll see what I can do still from here onwards, but im not going to deny the fact that things would have changed greatly. If there is one thing I can say to the year 5s, it is this:

We were a cohort of promise. We were the ones whom people looked at and decided 'this cohort is going to make waves'. People saw lots of potential in us, people believed in us to make a huge difference. Eventually though, the cohort of promise became a cohort of regrets. We did accomplish much certainly and in no way would I consider our primers term a failure. Yet neither did we accomplished all that we were believed to be capable of doing.

Now, this new batch of year 5s, you are the new cohort of promise. People look at the organisation system and nod in approval. People look at the fiery individuals who look promising and capable of fighting a good fight. People look at the way in which as a group of people, you are so committed to the cause. And it is believed that you are the ones who will make waves.

Yet unexpected things happen and come your way. It is a very good start indeed, but the journey will not be an easy one. People will get discouraged. People will fall away. People will try and seek for apparently more important things. But I say, grab hold of primers and all that it means, and dont ever let go. Dont let time slip by, waiting and thinking. Seize every moment and give of it your all.

Then perhaps in one year's time, you can confidently say that you have fought a good fight, you have finished the race, you have kept the faith.

Yes, that verse is used often to refer only to deaths. But im also telling you that right now, it feels like death to me. It really does have an air of finality to it. Im afraid that it really does end here. I'll make an extra effort to come back, but it wont quite be the same.

At least this I know, the legacy is being carried forward. Where we have faltered, the new ones will rise and overcome.

I cant remember the last time I actually shed tears over leaving anything. Maybe I cant remember because I never did. Im not someone who cries easily you see. Yet the extent of the emotions felt was so overpowering. Still, perhaps regrets arent all that bad. They spur me on to do something more. They help me to never forget.

All the heavens shout Your praise
Beautiful is our God
The universe will sing
Hallelujah to You our King 

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Well the part about ROD takes up the main segment of this post. Mainly because its something that I really have thought through and I know how I feel, I know why I feel the way I do. I dont have much words to speak for the rest of this post, especially with how some of it was so sudden.

Baptism today for a brother in Christ. When your body enters the water, you died with Christ. Then you are lifted up once again, and you resurrect with Him, a new life bestowed upon you.

A funeral service conducted for a sister in Christ who has gone home to be with the Lord. Death right to its most literal meaning.

How apt. I have graduated from primers today, and in the very same day I am reminded of the battle in my homeground.

Primers was always a secondary battlefield. It was always going to be just for awhile. Now the Lord is calling me back to the homeground where I will make my stand. If anything I have learnt through primers, it is not seize every opportunity and not regret. It taught me to fight. Relentlessly.

Primers was a ministry of which I have served in and still will do whatever I can to help in it. DI is the ministry that God has placed me in primarily above all else, and it is where I will fight to the very end.

You're my brother, you're my sister
So take me by the hand
Together we will work until He comes
There's no foe that can defeat us
When we're walking side by side
As long as there is love
We will stand

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