I didnt want to make a new post until after the exams, just continuing to update that same post. That post will continue to be updated as IB goes on, but I'll leave this here, better still that its above it, that it will always remind myself.
These weeks, months even perhaps now that I think about it, I have not been living to the fullest capacity of all that I am meant to be. I raged at some people (when did that come back, I stopped for a long while), I've unfairly placed judgements on other people, sometimes thoughts which I keep to myself while maintaining a friendly front with the very people. I do that not because I am a hypocrite, but because I feel that regardless of it all these people deserve to be loved. Sounds good, except that there should have been no judgement passed in the first place (some of which I have since been confronted with and known to be grossly inaccurate), and the fact that I let myself begin to feel superior over others.
It strikes me that its an old problem I once had coming back to life again. After a long time, I finally managed to somewhat step out of it, and continued to make progress. Somewhere it the midst of this progress however, I started to let it get to my head. Started to think myself superior. Talked about the greatest sin of pride without realising how subtly it has crept into my life.
Not just that. Many things in this life that are not important, I let it become important while verbally announcing its lack of importance. These IB examinations for one. My parents just told me they're fine with 34 points, which is the bare minimum I calculated that is possible for me to get. I dont even need 34 points to go to where I am going. Whats left is nothing but the pride in me declaring that I must better than the average student. Its not about glorifying God or anything. Its about how intelligent I am.
There is alot more, I wont post them here, these are but just snippets. It just strikes me how far I have allowed myself to fall. Its time to change all that. Theres no waiting till after IB or anything, it begins now.
As for the examinations, I will still give my best to it, but no matter what happens, to God be all glory. If I do well, I do well. If I dont, then I dont. Why should I let worldly constructs pull me down, when diplomas are but fading things in the light of eternity.
Ah yes. In the light of eternity. To live a life driven by eternity. How long since I could say that with fullest conviction.
Its alright. Lets make a fresh start from here.
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