Just a few days ago, I mentioned that with this new growth spurt in DI, we might not be able to have a functioning dinner group. This occurs to me especially so when my mom asks me about having friends over for CNY.
I will of course never ever say that this growth is bad, it is a wonderful joyous thing indeed and I guess whatever I have to say is worth sacrificing for this. Still I'll have to say it, because the fact is that it changes the way things are.
Like I said, im not a fan of huge groups of people. Too many people results in the entire gathering becoming less of company and more of a crowd, even if it is a crowd of good friends. Personally, I would always choose having a small group of friends around than having every single one of them with me. You cant really interact with every single person if everyone is going to be there, and there isnt much real opportunity to get to know anyone better.
Its not that I dont want some people to be there, each and every single person present is a treasured individual who is precious to me, but I dont want everyone to be there at the same time, where the identity of the individual gets lost in the mob and we become known only as our collective group. People will try to talk at each other instead of with each other. Nothing deep or personal would be shared due to the presence of so many others. Its impossible to have a nice decent conversation (or perhaps even to sit in silence) with another or few others as there will be the presence of constant interruptions. Activities would abound, there will be shouts of laughter. I will laugh, but I will get tired of laughing. There would be so much noise, and so little conversation, so much talking, and so little communication. I dont want a party, I just want a gathering. I dont seek chaos, I seek serenity.
Of course, some might say that all that isnt necessarily true, and that much I agree. Its more likely to happen though, and when what I say above is untrue, I'd think more often than not its because its the exception rather than the norm. Tell me if its possible that I may find even a moment of silence that day? Will it draw me closer to the people whom I love, or will it simply tire me out?
This is something I face as my mom gives me the option for this year's CNY. I guess I dont want to bojio anyone, and I cant really reduce the numbers anyway even if I wanted to because I dont have any 'order of importance' in which I can eliminate the 'less important people'. There are no 'less important people', and so despite the fact that I'd like a small select group rather than a crowd of twenty, I realise that its not really possible.
I guess I'll fix the details soon and invite everyone (probably 29th Jan). No planned itinerary, everyone does whatever they want. I join in as much as I can, until I get tired, then maybe I'll go for a walk or just retire to my room, close my eyes and rest. Oh yes, must set a rule where no taupoks allowed in my room, my bed will break.
Hopefully, there willl be times in the future where a small group of us could go by the beach in the twilight just sitting around as the waves lap our feet, or a campfire in the night with just a few around roasting marshmallows. Maybe that will happen only in dreamland, I dont know. We'll see.
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To be honest, im not a huge fan of the birthday ic thing that we have in kairos now. It feels like it cheapens the whole birthday. I guess I can understand the rationale behind it, wanting to make sure no one is left out, no one is treated as less important than the others etc. Yet, when mine comes, I know it will be celebrated, simply because one man is responsible for it. If it isnt, that person will be held accountable (well sort of).
Since when are birthday celebrations obligatory? Not only so, the initiative of those who actually do want to make an effort to celebrate the person's birthday is cheapened as well. That is of course, assuming those people dont just decide that since the birthday ic is in charge, they dont have to bother. I do believe that birthday celebrations are the most special when people choose to put the time, effort, and money into it willingly, when they do so even when there are no expectations. I removed my birthday from facebook precisely because I dont want people who only take note of it when facebook tells them, I dont want lazy obligatory wall posts, I dont even want to remind people that its coming because I feel that those who care should be aware of it anyway.
Frankly im not even a huge fan of how sometimes eugene may sms all of us to wish someone happy birthday. I know there have been times I forgot and that reminded me, but I guess I'd rather have people forget than suddenly receive ten messages all within five minutes wishing me happy birthday. I'll know they all probably forgot and someone reminded them all, and though I would reply nicely with hearts and whatnot because at least they took the effort to send it out, I dont think I'll exactly be at cloud nine.
Funny, last year the whole di 'celebrated' my birthday, but in reality, it just so happened that my birthday coincided with showdown three, and lefa (who started the chorus) saw eugene's post on the kairos fb group earlier that day. Its nice to have everyone sing for you, but it really doesn't mean much personally. Certainly no time, effort and money was put into that.
I dont ask for much from other people, I dont need elaborate surprise birthday parties, but little tokens which show that they care mean a great deal to me.
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