Im very tired of it, knowing exactly what is the problem, but being unable to resolve it because it just doesnt get in. No logical reasonings work, no emotional appeals work, and im so drained. I thought it was alright, it was alright for so long, but I guess I was wrong.
In time, in time. I dont know how long though.
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I sorta have a new year resolution. Its not much different from the ones I have in the past two years, but each day im learning and improving:
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Perhaps the most famous part of the bible aside from maybe 'let there be light'. Precisely because its so common however that the sheer weight of it does not sink in. The full extent of it is a huge challenge, and this year I seek to do my best to live it out.
Also, somewhat related:
For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it;
you will not be pleased with a burnt offering.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.
Another familiar part that must not be reduced to fanciful memory verses that have no impact on our lives. It must be lived.
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Time to sleep, shall awaken to cycling with jon and rei.
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