I'm not a man of many regrets. Not because my life is so perfect, but because I choose not to have regrets. Sure, not everything goes well, there are things I did but I wish I never had, things that I wish I had done but never will. Regardless, I accept these as part and parcel of life and choose not to hold on to them for I know it is of no benefit to be dwelling upon what could have been.
Yet there is one form of regret I always have, and that is about making a difference.
I don't just want to be someone fun to chill with. I want to be someone that inspires. Someone that touches lives. It doesn't matter to me if it were in an obvious manner or if it were subtle. I just want this life of mine to have significance.
Unfortunately, when I look back in my life, I don't feel like I have done much. What work have I accomplished? What impact have I made? In this life I have crossed lives with many people whom I can now only think of them from time to time and wonder why have I done so little for them. People whom I have had at points in my life saw that they needed something that perhaps I could give, but never did.
I suppose its useless that I feel too much about things, seems a trend in my life that I do too little about what I feel.
I was reading the facebook wall of someone who has passed away a few weeks back. He was a direct junior from BB. Of course, back then I didn't spend much time with them for a wide variety of reasons. I wanted to study. I didn't feel like I really fit in place since they already know the old primers well but I'm new. I felt awkward approaching this foreign group of young boys. So I know of him and know his face, but I never knew him. I suppose he would not have recognised me.
The primers from my batch knew him, I wonder why I never did. People speak of his faith and passion for the things of God. I wonder if in his short sixteen years he done much more than I have.
I wonder if I died today, what would be in my eulogy? Or maybe lets not make things so complicated. I wonder if I went away today to a far away land (maybe to pursue my studies), who would still hold me close in their hearts? What would I be to these people?
He was a fun guy to be around, nice chap.
He liked photography, cooking and cycling. And dota.
He once spend time with me and made me feel loved but then he never came back.
He wrote a nice blog that made me think about life but he wasn't ever really directly involved in mine.
He often talked about making a difference.
Now im an NSF. Another phase of my life that I havn't seem to have accomplished much in. They know me as the guy who is quite on about being a Christian, but I seriously wonder if they have even caught a glimpse of Christ in me.
Let your light so shine before men that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.
Too many lives have passed by untouched, I can only wonder about how they are now. Perhaps it may still be acceptable if I were simply ignorant. Yet I have to admit that more often than not, sloth, pride, fear and plain selfishness are the main reasons why I do not do what I know I need to do.
To be a Christian is to be like a little Christ. In acknowledgement of what that word means, I wonder if I can even be worthy to call myself one.