The next phase

So here ends Foxtrot foundation term. People say you'll come to miss life in BMT, well I don't miss it one bit but I'll miss foundation term. Its kinda like the term where you get SOL and have to stay in camp with no nights out and all, yet it feels alright. Would have been shitty to have been confined in BMT.

I like the way things are done in SCS I guess. And foundation term does have quite a lot of spare time so that is very good. We had a great OC and 2IC, people who truly lead and inspire, people who give you hope in an environment which can be pretty nasty. Of course they are also siao ons and the slack part of me hates them, but now that it is all over, I think I'll actually miss the PT sessions by 2IC and the talks with OC.

There was a good plenty amount of religious discussions in foundation term, very unlike that in BMT. Some were not serious at all, random shouts of praise to God that weren't meant seriously for one. Others were people who were genuinely interested in unraveling the mystery of these people who love what cannot be seen. On the side of the Christians, we had all kinds of them too. I can't help but wonder if I could have done something more.

Now we're moving on. We've all got our new postings, and if you don't know yet, I've shifted home from Foxtrot to Lima. Still in SCS, now in infantry professional term.

Infantry professional term. That is something that everyone dreads. When the roll call is made, you hear sighs  of resignation from people who are called and sighs of relief for those who didn't. As we gather to shift our belongings over to Lima, there are people who try to laugh it off but you can hear the undertones of unhappiness and there are those who just remain silent. People would ask me later, 'hey where did you get posted to' with all that cheerfulness and I'll respond 'Lima coy pro term' and then they'll go 'oh'. People don't want to be in the infantry.

Neither do I of course. The difference though, was that I kinda knew it was coming, and tried to run away from it. Yet some things you just can't run away from. So silently I went. I tried to wrap my head around it for a long time. Three months of really tough training, and what if you are posted to a unit after that? Treated worse than men, very very exhausting, muddy, dirty, smelly, wet, you don't even get to take leave when you want to.

What can I say?

Soli deo gloria.

On this side of eternity, I can only see short term. What this means for the next few months of my life, what it may possibly mean for the next year and a half. I'd like to think that the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom. In these two months, I've been hearing a great deal about this whole thing about faith. I'm wondering how it will come into play here.

And now being posted here of course places me on yet another crossroad. I could take the easy way out after this, and so many people in my position would give up plenty to do so. Yet I ask you, how much are you willing to put on the stake for something that is only a dream you don't know that will happen for sure?

I'd risk a good deal if I were surer of its outcome. As it is now though, it feels like a huge gamble with odds against me. I'd be a fool if I would take my chances on this normally. Yet I wonder, if its true, perhaps I'll need to be a fool for God.

What was clear as day is now a hazy fog in a distant memory. I'm afraid and can no longer be sure.

Decisions will be made. I still need time to think through this. Yet this one thing stays with me. I don't know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future.