All I ever wanted to do was to do my best, pass out smoothly and hopefully with my 3SG rank would be able to be a positive influence on others. I was never the kind to look for trouble, but after all these I guess I'm probably on the blacklist.
I'm really tired. So many incidents, one after another, each eclipsing the previous in severity. Right now, I probably wouldn't mind that much if they decided to OOC me. Maybe sad at the wasted time, at how it all came down to this, how helpless I have been facing all these trials, but relieved that it'll be over.
At the end of the day, I know there was not much I could have really done, so whatever will be will be.
I feel that we have let people down though. While I won't say I'm fully responsible, I am still part of the collective and I can't say that I have really stood up for what is right when I should have, not making a firm stand and allowing others to persuade me.
The look of disappointment in F OC's eyes. Makes it hard for me to face him, especially in light of all that I have said to him and the previous incident that had happened.
I am irritated at the way L OC keeps saying F trains private soldiers. The way he passes judgement, how he looks at F with disdain. In the three days of attachment to the juniors, every L foundation cadet could see why this statement was untrue. They came to understand why F foundation cadets love the place, why they cannot let it go, why they are so disappointed with L. With comments like these made, we don't feel at home.
Leadership is not just speaking, scolding, trying to tell stories. Leadership is something that is learnt more from experiences than lesson plans. Don't just blame others when things go wrong, don't point fingers at how F has failed. F had eight weeks, L had six so far. If L was truly good, then they would have corrected some of the apparent bad things picked up from F. Furthermore, F foundation cadets aren't any more responsible than L foundation cadets.
L OC is wrong. He is dead wrong. Unfortunately, I guess we havn't done much to prove that to him. In that, I feel we have let F down.
---
Apparently we're supposed to trust the command team, but trust is not something that we give just like that, it is something that must be earned. I don't doubt that L is training cadets and not just screwing us over. I do doubt however how much they really care. A teacher's job is to teach, and any teacher who will do their job will ensure that their students do well in their examinations. However, a good teacher will go beyond his job scope. A good teacher cares. I will trust a good teacher, but not necessarily a teacher who is just here to do his job and get his payroll.
---
On a somewhat related note, moral courage is a really difficult thing. Its like a damned if you do, damned if you don't thing. Yet Jesus was never afraid to stand up for the truth even at whatever the cost.
On another somewhat related note, a friend said that half truths are the most dangerous things you can feed others. As Christians, we agree that lying is incorrect, but perhaps we tend to find loopholes about this. We speak half truths, misleading truths, attempting to not lie but yet deceiving others.
Yet is not the whole reason why we should not lie because we should not have deception in us? If so, then half truths aren't any better than outright lies. For that matter, waiting for someone to lie for you and remaining silent about it is also deception. Although you say nothing, your silence is an affirmation that there is nothing wrong with the other party's statement.
Integrity too is a really difficult thing. Is it possible to pursue true moral courage and integrity in a fallen world and not have people hate you to bits?
---