Inf ldr

I am honestly quite intimidated by the future that is to come. While I was at Lima, I focused on getting out of it alive. Now that I have thankfully finally passed that phase and entered into CAT, the posting that is to come scares me. This is a posting that will affect me for the rest of my ns life, which is a good one and a quarter of a year. Twice what I have gone through thus far, that's a long time to be at one place.

My pc tells me that I'll most likely be posted to a unit. Well majority of us will get posted to unit. And I really don't know what to expect. I have spent all my ns life thus far in training institutes, I have no clue what unit life is like. I know I'm not good at doing all this infantry stuff and I don't know what to do if my men are going to be better than me, if I'm going to display incompetence in leading them. As a cadet, when you make mistakes, at least you are still a trainee, with your peers. What would it be like if you lose the respect of those you are supposed to command?

There's one unit that is taking in quite a number of people this batch, and they're gettingĂ˝ ready for an overseas exercise in brunei. 4th jan so I heard. Posting to that unit means no rest after CAT, diving straight into the heat of things and leaving the country again less than a month after returning from taiwan. And brunei is no taiwan, it will be world's apart. I don't know what to expect.

I suddenly find myself unsure if I am ready to pass out as a 3SG. I don't know if I am ready to live up to the demands. I start to wonder again why I have been posted here, why not to something like signals of which I would likely have been more proficient in. If I am really to be posted to a unit, how will I lead six men? The faculty instructors here have shown themselves capable as 3SG, I don't feel that I can carry myself the way they have done.

I know I don't need the applause of man, I need not fear if the world hates me because I have my firm foundation. It bugs me though, if I'm using this merely as an excuse. Its not enough to struggle to survive, I must thrive, to be a positive influence, a light in the darkness. I have been more of a burden than a light these past few months and that needs to change.