I'm relearning what I have let slip away, and it astounds me. To be filled by the Spirit, to let it not be about what I do but being a vessel, about living in surrender and not living in commitment.

What have I been doing all these years?

I have let disillusionment and faithlessness creep in and lived like one under the Law. Despite reading passages over and over again, knowing the truths, it seemed that this one was area I never really recognised in myself. So many other things I saw in me and tried to remedy, but always by my strength. To strive and surpress and attempt to be righteous. To advance the Kingdom by painfully slogging it out. Yet I have missed the solution to all these other issues and fought by my own strength my place in the Kingdom, but the Law brings only condemnation. It is the Spirit that gives life.

No wonder it gets so tiring and joyless. Forgive me for being so blind.

Now I sense liberty. Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. It all finally comes together and I finally understand how to live.