Siansation max

Update: Spent the whole night trying to backup files but it doesn't seem to work and that just adds to the siansation which was starting to fade away because I'm just going to have to resign myself to the fact that I'm going to lose all my data. Got my pics and videos over and manually copied my to do list but all my app data is going to be gone probably, and along with it chatlogs and stuff (good thing I'm not overly attached to any of my games). I hope my contacts don't disappear though that would be a terrible inconvenience. Not to mention after getting back my phone I'll probably have to go through the hassle of getting everything up and working again. This is really such a killjoy.


My phone screen just cracked. Like for no real reason at all. I mean, I can probably guess why but its one of those things that you would never have seen coming (even though part of me tells me hey you shouldn't have done that see now what happens) because if shit happens in this form, it could have been any of the hundred million other ways it could have had happened.

I'm not like, angry or upset or anything, I mean my phone still works fine and I can still see my screen despite all the crack lines running through it, but ugh.

One, this phone is so new. About 3 months old?

Two, it will cost quite abit of money and inconvenience to get it repaired.

These two reasons aren't the ones bugging me the most though. Its the next two.

Three, it was just so random. Like one moment everything is fine and normal and I was talking to a cadet of mine as I walked into camp and the next thing I knew as I took out my phone to check it, poof a whole bunch of cracks on it. Its the whole randomness of it that really disturbs me. Like, if I didn't take care of my phone properly and it cracked, its my fault. A different kind of sianness would probably set in for that but for this there is no real cause and effect, nothing to blame for it, it just...happened. This is just, just not right. Then again, since when was the world ever right.

Four (and lastly), the ugly spider cracks just ruin the posh smooth shiny surface of my phone. Its just creepy to look at and this is the one reason why I really don't want to use my phone now. Looking at the cracks just make me feel so uncomfortable. I wouldn't use a phone like this if I were paid to. I wonder if its that part of me that just desires everything to be whole and complete (I used to call myself a perfectionist but I realise its not just that, the reason why I need to three star all my games and complete every level and finish all the minor useless things is really because anything that isnt complete just disturbs me). The cracks are bad enough that I feel shivers running through me and feel like smashing my phone completely because when my phone is smashed completely it becomes more complete - it becomes a smashed phone, can be stored in a container, a different entity all together. This phone, its broken, and I just want to get it out of my sight. Makes me ponder a little about the philosophical and psychological implications of this but I'm too creeped out to think further.