Future uncertainties scare me honestly. I'm afraid of making wrong decisions today that have an impact on the future. Take studies for example. I hesitate as I fear that if I choose to study something out of interest, I may face problems with my career after graduation. If I study what I think is practical, I may not excel in it or it may be a miserable few years. Moments like these I wish I had perfect vision and could predict where each of these decisions would lead me in the course of life, but I don't, and this lack of knowledge cripples my decision making. I would take a calculated risk, but it all feels so hazy that I feel like I'm playing dice. Yet at the same time, time is ticking, and inaction will eventually only make it all worse.
I'm afraid that after I make my decisions, I may regret them, but they would have become irreversible by then. I don't want to find myself in a position where I keep wondering to myself, what would life have been like if I had done something differently?
Yet, it is silly isn't it? At twenty years of age, I have already made many important decisions in my life. Some I regret, but yet I do find myself satisfied with where I am right now. I feel regret sometimes, but I don't live in regret. I don't desperately wish I could change who I am and what I have done (or not done). I have come to see how each mistake I made has helped me to become the person who I am today.
So in the light of that, why should I be paralyzed by decisions? Worrying about the unknown future only causes unrest in the present. Instead, God calls us to live day by day in the present, trusting that He will lead the way. That is what I want to do, be it for studies or other major life decisions that I will have to make in this life.
I still am not sure which are the steps I should take, the future is all hazy and I can hardly see where I am going. Despite that though, I have confidence that every step of the way He will direct my paths.
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