Incoherent thoughts

Have not been blogging much recently, nor do I feel much of a desire to.

It's a mixture of a couple of reasons. In part because I was rather busy, in part because the passion for writing something was not there, in part because often when I had something to share I had simply shared with someone instead of writing it in this space.

But nah, this place isn't going to die. It just isn't going to updated nearly as much, perhaps only once in a while when I feel that there is something worth talking about like some of the posts below this.

But maybe a I'll do a short run through the past couple of months. Just, incoherently write thoughts as they come to me.

There's alot about politics below. I always found Singapore politics interesting and I took a module this semester on it, which is why I guess I had a a fair about to share about it. My main takeaway I guess is that things are often not black and white and we cannot simply say that one is good and the other isn't. It's all about balancing things, sacrificing some items for others. Also, that politicians are at the end of the day human beings as well.

Busyness. The first half of the sem had been very relaxing but the second half was when work really started to pile up with many assignments, last minute bombs being dropped, having all my exams in one week and working on my first DI message and Love Beyond stuff through it all. It was stressful at times, but interestingly in moments like this I manage to pull out so much discipline. I guess that quip about how work expands to fill the amount of time you have is true. Thankful for the grace of God that sustained me through.

Love Beyond. I much to say about this. It has been causing me to reflect alot about what is it that we are really trying to do. Perhaps I'll just leave here some snippets of my thoughts.

There are moments where I have to make decisions, sometimes I ask myself whether these are the right decisions to make. Then there is how I've been flopping my way through this, and handling it rather well by treating it as if I am organising an event, but Love Beyond is a movement not an event. Then there's the stewardship over finances, how we are using it. Perhaps the most important of all, the question of what does it mean to serve the community, to go out there, what is the purpose of all of this.

It so happens that a friend of mine has just came back from an OCIP trip, and he has been writing about his experiences, how things tend to be about what we learnt rather than how we have benefited people. It's a question I constantly ask myself as I go about with Love Beyond. How are these things benefiting people? I have always been ambivalent towards mission trips precisely because of how often it seems to be about our own takeaways rather than really benefiting others. Not to say this is always the case, I know plenty of people who truly care, who truly love and are not absorbed in their own narrow perspectives. But I don't think I am one of those people who can.

So Love Beyond is as much a challenge for myself. To love, to have that heart, that burden for those whom God loves even though I don't even know them. We cannot go to the houses with a superiority complex, We are not heroes, we are servants. We are not coming to save, we are simply coming to love.

There will be LB thanksgiving at the end of June. I hope it won't be all about us and what we have taken away, yes there will always be that aspect and it is a good thing, but if the only thing that mattered to us is what we have taken away then we have missed the point. Love Beyond is not about us.

Leading. How do I lead in the various ways in which I am called to lead. How does that tally with my own personal life. Cell. Mentoring. Even in relationships with other people.

Recently I have been in front of DI quite a fair bit, initially it was a little awkward because it isn't something I have done, but well the people in DI are pretty much mostly my friends so it quickly went away. Still, standing in carries with it a great responsibility. The words we speak, may I be so very careful with them.

Social media. It's power to influence and shape opinions. If we don't harness it's power then the world will dominate this sphere of influence.

A cadet I met on the train, whose clearest memory of me was that night in Taiwan when I bought chicken cutlets for the cadets. It wasn't much to me, I had forgotten about it, but it was what was remembered. I think perhaps from the perspective of the people in the military, I may not have been a great soldier nor instructor. That's fine. I could never quite believe in the job I had to do and so I had created my own purpose, which was not to train better soldiers but to make better men. So I probably didn't produce many great soldiers, but I hope through their interactions with me they learnt a little something about being better people.

Work. Actually week three is just about to start I don't think I have much to say about it at this point in time except it has been a really good experience and I am learning plenty of things.

Birthdays. Mine just passed a few days ago and I thought it was interesting how this year I almost forgot about it, and how it just really didn't matter that much and I really didn't mind it passing uneventfully. An arbitrary date like this doesn't matter much I guess, and there isn't much of a point in counting your age once you are past twenty one. That said though, I appreciate the little gestures to celebrate, be it last minute dinner plans or a more organised one (it seriously did not occur to me that it was the week of my birthday when I jioed everyone for jw's farewell dinner). A simple meal where we just laugh and enjoy our time spent together, each other's company...that's more than enough for me.

People. Have had the opportunity to get to know some people better recently having to work with them. I am thankful for the people in my life, especially those whose life and faith encourage me as we run the race with perseverance.

And more. Yea. It's alot of things. Perhaps it would do me well to properly record them down and reflect upon them because the past few months have been so rich with experiences, but many of them have become quite fuzzy. But yes, these are things that have been happening in my life, things which I have been thinking about.