Minimally what I can say is...I enjoyed it. Despite whatever may be, I really genuinely did. And that is a good thing.
Every single day we make thousands and thousands of choices. Many of these choices are what we perceive to be small, unimportant things. That is true. Individually, most of these decisions we make are really insignificant.
However, the aggregate of these thousands of little choices tell our life story. It is a reflection of our priorities, of what is of greater relative importance, of we value.
And because each of these individual decisions are so insignificant, so much so that we often do not even think of them as choices or decisions, we tend to not think too much about them and what they say about us. In fact more often that not, these choices are made on a subconscious level, where we do not actively think about what we are choosing. We do not realise the meanings behind our actions.
So it is no surprise then that at the aggregate level, we fail to recognise the way we are portraying ourselves. We fail to see the messages we are sending to other people which reflect our true thoughts and feelings.
But to the people around us, who are looking for these signs, they will see them and they will know what you have chosen.
I don't know if it is subconsciously or not. All I can say is...
You have chosen.