Sometimes I feel a little bit like a fraud. There are a couple of things where I don't think I'm as good as people perceive me to be. One such example would be business related stuff. I think that while I can do well in academics at this level for some reason, I'm better in these theoretical things than putting them into practice.
I don't mean that I look down on what God has given me, definitely getting into the course I am in is no easy feat, but I feel that in terms of practical application, I'm feel just an average person, nothing really outstanding. So I don't know if I might be overselling myself and if people would be disappointed when they actually work with me.
We'll find out soon enough I guess. It is said that the more you know, the more you are aware of how much you do not know. Maybe that is what is happening with me.
The funny thing about academics is that I'm not extremely academically inclined either. I think sometimes I do better simply because I spend more time on it. Or that my command of language is better and that helps give a better impression or something. I feel like I'm nearing my limit, I definitely cannot see myself doing higher level academics such as the PhD program. Readings can get confusing and I don't fully understand them with all the jargon and whenever statistics come into play.
I am reminded of a post I wrote six months ago: http://ipokeyouwithapencilthatissharp.blogspot.sg/2015/09/eight-things-i-am-not.html
Some areas I'm learning and improving on. I'd like to think I have become a better communicator, a more relational person and a better leader since. There's plenty of room to improve still, but I would believe that progress has been made in this time as I have consciously worked on them.
Still not a good Christian, and never will be. That's the beauty of the gospel though. I will never be good enough, but that doesn't matter because Christ is good enough.
Today is Easter. I don't place much emphasis on these days since they are just another day to specially commemorate something that we should always remember anyway. It is so appropriately poetic that it is though.
The tomb is empty, He is risen. How far reaching the implications indeed.
One thing leads to another heh, as I look through my old posts, I realise I write alot less than I used to. Even last year despite having a significantly larger volume of content, there were many things left unsaid.
Many things have been happening in my life in the past one year that I have not written about. Part of it is that it is material which I am not entirely comfortable with putting them up on the public sphere, part of it is simply the scale and complexity which means there is so much to write that it would take way too much time.
Last year I took on both Love Beyond and Camp Momentum. I had my very first internship. I pondered hard about very difficult decisions. Never got round to write how I really felt about it all.
I actually have a draft post titled 2015: Year in Review which is still sitting there completely blank.
Maybe I should just do a really simplified version sometime.