Was supposed to be preparing something else...but I spent an inordinate amount of time watching Christina Grimme and the voice videos.

I first came across her quite randomly many years ago as I was checking out various youtube artists. Was on Sam Tsui's channel and I found her 'just a dream' cover. I then went on to check out a couple of her other songs. Although I thought she was great, it didn't leave that big an impression on me back then since there were many other brilliant artists.

In fact, I kind of forgot about her until she auditioned for The Voice. Her performance of 'wrecking ball' (a song I greatly disliked heh) was so amazing. The video went viral and this was also when she first got really famous. I remembered rewatching that video over and over again, taking note of how she hit every note perfectly. The judges knew she was talent. I loved the immediate response from them the moment she sang her first words.

I followed her for a little on and off after that, finding out a little bit more about her life and her faith. Once again though, she slowly slipped out of my mind. Mainly because pop music wasn't really my genre. The name and face faded from memory.

Who would know that the next time it surfaced, it would be on a perfectly ordinary saturday. Ended water soccer, was thinking about how annoying it was that I hurt my toe, decided to check whatsapp while waiting for others to shower. Someone had sent me a link to a straits times article.

The Voice singer Christina Grimmie dies after Florida shooting

It felt unreal. Like staring at the face of an old friend in the obituaries.

Sometimes you hear of artists who take drugs and die from overdose. You shake your head and sigh a little, wondering why they chose this life.

This though, was completely senseless. There she was brimming with joy greeting her fans during a fan meet, the energy was high and everyone was happy.

Someone just walked up and shot her.

That's it.

I didn't think too much about it after that for awhile. Partially because I never really followed her, and partially because it all felt so surreal.

Then the mass shooting happened. Once more, in Florida.

I read the news. I went back to read more about Christina Grimme as well.

The senselessness of it all.

I'll admit, the mass shooting doesn't resonate with me as much. Perhaps I've gotten a little sick and tired of hearing about mass shootings. It felt more distant for me, though I know it feels intensely personal for many others.

The account of Christina Grimmie's death though, it just felt so ludicrous as I read about it. The man who didn't know her at all planned this murder, traveled a long distance to find her. There she greeted him and was going to give him a hug and he emptied three shells into her body point blank.

It is said she was murdered for her faith

I went to find her on social media platforms, and read her final posts.

A silly hydralic press video
Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations
Don't panic: here's what you need to do in order to save your life if your car is sinking
Keep your faith in the foreground
Hope is the only thing stronger than fear 
 Come to the show tonight
The senselessness of it all really got to me there. This, and the mass shooting where 49 other people were brutally murdered. One weekend, fifty lives taken away.

Christians and gays. Funny how we are pictured as in the opposing ends of a cultural war, but this weekend we are reminded that we all are merely human. We all are but dust and ashes.

Here I am, in Singapore, distant from everything. I never really knew Christina, I definitely don't know any of the other 49 who were murdered. Yet I feel this way. What pain do those who hold each of these fifty individuals closer to heart feel?