For some reason I imagined receiving notification of the passing of my family while overseas. Gives me goosebumps even to write this out. It makes me realise that I'm not remotely prepared for an event like that.
I have lived a very sheltered life. For some reason, at 23 years of age, I have never experienced the death of someone precious to me. Heck, I've never even experienced the death of someone who has played a role in my life. The closest would be my grandfather who passed away when I was in secondary school, I can't even remember whether it was secondary 2 or 3. He was my dad's dad. I wasn't close to him, he was just someone who visits sometimes and I would just stay in my room while he talks with my parents, and I would be obligated to visit him sometimes too.
I really can't imagine what it would be like for someone I treasure to pass away.
I thought, who could it be? I think of my grandma. My mom's mom. I live two floors above her in Singapore and see her almost everyday. She cooks fantastic dinners every weekday and we eat as one extended family. She's old. I don't know exactly how old actually but she was already 60 plus when I was a young boy. She's 80 plus now I guess. She's healthy though, and so I never thought too much about it. Active, both in mind and body, she probably exercises more than I do by virtue of walking to the market everyday and doing household chores while taking care of the two kids, my cousins.
Wasn't LKY real healthy before his health suddenly began to deteriorate rapidly and then he passed away? That thought scares me.
Then I think, not everyone dies only when they are old. Plenty of people die much younger, and they die senselessly. I think of Christina Grimme who passed away completely out of the blue. Things like that could happen to anyone. Maybe not a gunman, but plenty of other things can happen. Like a car accident. It could happen to any of my dear friends and family, young or old.
Suddenly I feel a fear grip my heart. I really am not ready for this. I've gone 23 years without anything happening. I don't think it will go on for that much longer.
I think about those who will be saved. How well do I even understand the faith of my parents? Engage them in conversation about it?
But I'm sure my parents are fine. Others though. My brother. My cousins. My grandma. Many of my friends.
It makes me wonder if I have been too passive with evangelism. I understand that you can't force it. That it is between them and God. It's not that I never tried, they really aren't receptive. It makes me wonder though if there are any ways I could have tried harder. Because the thought is suddenly rather terrifying.
Perhaps I don't treat evangelism to the people who are dear to me with enough urgency. I think it's important definitely, but I also always think that there is time. I tell myself that I would wait for better opportunities. While that is valid reason, perhaps I also use it as an excuse to not do anything.
The thing about evangelism is that it can be very difficult, and because of that maybe I'm procrastinating, thinking that there is time. Procrastinating the way I would with school assignments. But while school assignments have a clear deadline which causes me to force myself to work on it when the deadline is fast approaching, there is no clear deadline in our lifespans. The professor of death doesn't tell you when to hand it up, he just knocks on your door one day demanding it now.
Maybe I need to be more active in creating opportunities. Maybe I need to be thinking about the salvation of the people around me more often. And while acknowledging that it's not all about what I do, to know that at least I have done all that I can.
Death. Such a strange thing to be thinking about now.
Perhaps I should simply begin with showing greater appreciation to those who mean alot to me. Before it is too late. Otherwise I could regret all I want but I can never rewind time.