I've been feeling a little anxious about an upcoming career interview in FMCG. It's not overwhelming or anything, it's a small amount of dread and feeling like I'm not going to do well.
I've been digging deeper into why I feel this way and have some thoughts.
Yes having rejected multiple times affects, but I realise the bigger thing was the realisation on why exactly I was rejected those multiple times. When I failed to get into the company I really wanted, they gave me feedback on what they saw as the areas I need to work on. And it became clear to me that yes, these are long standing issues that I have never really been able to deal with, and they may be very well the same reasons why I always never got an offer. I feel this way because I feel that I havn't improved at all in this regard, I don't actually know how to because my mind doesn't operate in those terms.
And that brings me to a bigger issue at hand. I'm starting to feel like I'm not sure this is actually what I want or should be doing.
Say I get the job. Then what? If these skill sets remain absent, I'm going to have a hard time. I'm not going to be able to do the best I can in the roles. Would it not be a case that I managed to present the best side of myself during the hiring process, but when it comes to day to day work I then turn out to not be the ideal candidate they hoped for?
To be clear, I don't feel inadequate in general. I recognise that everyone has strengths and weaknesses. My concern is that my strengths and weaknesses are not aligned with the role I have been trying my best to get into. I don't feel this way for no reason, this comes from feedback from professionals, from observing peers who have similar goals.
The other thing is, I recognise the role of marketing as a core role in FMCG, and I liked that because I wanted to experience to full strategic breadth of marketing. Yet I recognise that the holding of that position also means certain other things are central in the job scope, including relationship management. Perhaps given my personality, I am more suited for a support role rather than a core role.
So...I'm a little uncertain now I suppose.
I've worked hard in a focused manner to try to land a role in this industry/role. If it really turns out that this is not a role that is suitable for me, I'm not sure what to do moving forward.
On a completely unrelated note, it's kinda amusing to note that this blog is 10 years old and the tone has changed so dramatically since the beginning. Here I am musing about career, where 10 years ago it was just a pure load of rubbish heh.